How’s that for a season ticket campaign? “2012-13 Orlando Magic: Striving for the highest lottery pick possible.”  It’s either that or “2012-13 Orlando Magic: Because really, you can only go to Disney World so many times.”

In order to prepare you for a season filled with L’s, I’m going to do you a favor and mail this blog post in.  I have put as little effort as possible into constructing the framework of this article.  You can send thank your cards to my current address.

Here are the possibilities for the Magic’s starting five:

PG – Jameer Nelson
SG – Arron Afflalo or JJ Redick
SF – Hedo Turkoglu (possibly Harrington)
PF – Gustavo Ayon/Al Harrington/Glen Davis triumvirate of mediocrity
C – Nikola Vucevik (possibly Ayon)

Positives:
1) You have the Turkish Michael Jordan, and, if we are going to use that nickname with a straight face, the Mexican Charles Barkley.
2) You contain the possibility, with a well-timed trade for a white point guard, to utilize the whitewash lineup strategy.
3) The drinking game in which you tip one back every time Big Baby throws a tantrum will be a sure-fire way to get a nice buzz.
4) Your second-stringers are absolutely the best in the league. Any team would kill to have Afflalo, Ayon, Turkoglu and Redick coming off the bench.

Negatives:
1) Your starting lineup is made up of players who would make great second-string players.
2) Your front office is intentionally seeking to put the worst possible lineup on the floor in order to have a slightly higher chance at getting a ping-pong ball to bounce their way, with the goal of landing a franchise-changing player in the draft.  You know, a guy like a Shaquille O’Neal or Dwight Howard.  Someone like that.  Because THIS time…I bet he’ll stay.
3) The attention-hungry oversized child with the really broad shoulders who can’t seem to develop any semblance of a post move will have his smiling face plastered all over ESPN this year. And you can’t even stay mad at him, because deep down, you know that your 12 year-old has more maturity and is more of an adult than Howard.
4) You can only go to Disney World so many times.