While someone you know is carpooling to DC for the presidential tailgate party, here is what was going down in the NBAwful...

LeBron Vs Kobe, Round 1: Kobe insisted on being matched up against King Crab, but unforunately this marquee matchup turned into a defensive brickfest. Lebron went 9 for 25 with 6 turnovers. Kobe went 9 for 22 with 5 turnovers. Said LeBron: "Two of the ultimate competitors want to guard each over. We know we can contain each other. It's possible that who can contain the most can win the game." Well then, the Tupperware was in full effect tonight. Let's try this again on February 8th...

Amare Stoudamire: The Suns were given the Brooklyn Brawler treatment by the Celtics, getting squashed 104-87. But the worst part is that Amare went from averaging 21.8 ppg on the season, to a 0-for-7 night with 4 turnovers. Remember, in the Suns frontcourt, Amare's the one who isn't 36 years old, fat or has a bionic ankle.

Jerome James: James is out for the season with a ruptured Achilles. For those of you keeping track at home, the Knicks are on the hook for $12 million for 15 minutes of PT over two seasons. On the bright side, he probably was never sexually harrassed by Isiah Thomas.

Statbuster's draft predictions: Shortly after the draft, I had Kevin Love pegged as a All-Rookie first teamer, while Eric Gordon would be shipped to the Bakersfield Jam by December. I must have been having Calbert Cheaney and Greg Graham flashbacks. The Wolves and the Clippers went head-to-head again tonight. The result? 2 for 9 from Love for 6 points off the bench. Eric Gordon dropped 25 and is averaging nearly 21 ppg in January. Oops.

Sixers coach Tony DiLeo: When commenting on Reggie Evans' D on Dirk Nowitzki, "Reggie had a good feel for him...Reggie is a physical guy who did push him out and contested the shot." You know where this is going...

Jermaine O'Neal, denial machine: When asked about the boos during the Pacers game, "I thought ultimately the agreement between me and the franchise was that they wanted to start over. I never knew that I was the issue." Then, coming off the bench with a gimpy knee behind the on-fire Bargnani (22 ppg over last 5) was his idea: "I will come off the bench, ease my way back in. The big guy is rolling right now." Then asked about being traded to Miami, "I haven't heard that. I don't know about that." He later stated that, although he smelt it, he, in fact, had not dealt it.

Enver Nuggets: Was this game decided by Kenyon Martin's two missed free throws, or a textbook flop by Chuck Hayes? You decide, no right or wrong answers. But if you chose Kenyon Martin's FTs, you would be not-as-right as the other answer.


LaSalle Thompson: The Bobcats assistant coach denied my Myspace friend request. A while ago, back when Myspace was more like Facebook and less like Adultfriendfinder.com, I came across LaSalle Thompson's page in a random Pacers search. Assuming it was some sort of fan site, I sent a friend request. But instead of being accepted, I receive a not-at-all-friendly "Who's this? Do I know you?" I then had the awkward task of explaining to a minor celebrity exactly why I would want him on my friend list. Of course, I had nothing. I responded with, "Hey, you were awesome on the Pacers. What are you doing now?" or something equally inane. My request was denied and I never heard from him. But Steve Stipanovich really wants me to try these new ringtones.

The Chicago Bulls: Were done in by their prodigal son Chris Duhon. DuDu went from 'doubtful to play' due to back spasms to scoring 19, including driving past Kirk Hinrich for the layup that put the Knicks up for good, winning 102-98. Yes, Chris, we get it. You can actually play. You just chose not to from 2004 to 2008.

Ben Gordon: We speculated a while back that Medium Ben can't play alongside Kirk Hinrich. After last night's 3 for 15 outing, Ben is down to 12 ppg on 38% shooting during Cap'n Kirk's comeback cavalcade. A classic case of subtraction by addition?

Mike James, quote machine: Wondering who has your Mc Skat Kat tape? Check Mike James' locker: "Every win is a relief, and every loss is like taking two steps backward." 9 losses in 11 games? It ain't fiction, just a natural fact.

Update! Kobe Bryant: Kobe recommended that the LA Zoo put pictures of Luke Walton in the monkey cages, to prevent them from slinging poo and pleasuring themselves.

Update! Lacktion report: Would any day be complete without Chris' lacktivity summary?

Raptors-Hawks: Mario "The Mario" West got a longer-than-usual stint on the floor, knocking in a foul for +1 in 3:27. (I think he's an lock for the Basketbawful All-Lacktion team; even if he's more productive than most regulars on these writeups, he would probably be voted in by readers faster than an entire nation can click repeatedly for Yi Jianlian.) Another Atlanta lacktion specialist, Acie Law, went 2:03 with a +2 (brick and turnover).

Pacers-Hornets: Indiana's Marquis Daniels tossed a brick for +1 in 2:50.

Pistons-Grizzlies: Arron Affalo makes it two consecutive games of non-contribution for Detroit, going +1 (missed shot) in 3:53. Across the floor, Memphis's Greg Buckner has unnoticeably made a case to be an All-Lacktion selection, adding to his resume with a 2.25 trillion.

Cavs-Lakers: A few days ago, Cleveland unleashed four human victory cigars - and it seems like the folks over there prefer for their garbagemen to be out en masse whenever possible. This time around, in a second-half thwacking by the Lakers, the Crabaliers brought out a trio to sop up meaningless minutes, resulting in an amazing trio: three simultaneous performances of 1 trillion each by Tarence Kinsey (a potential All-Lacktion choice), Darnell Jackson, and Jawad Williams. Fellow crustacean Lorenzen Wright on the other hand chose to negate a fine non-contribution of two bricks, a rejection, and foul with one assist in seven minutes.
Sun Yue provided the life-giving illumination of lacktivity for Los Angeles, missing from downtown for +1 in a mere 31 seconds. (Imagine the furious mouse usage that would occur if Yue was on a fan-vote All-Lacktion ballot!)

Labels: Worst of the Night