How things should have happened

As Henry Abbott pointed out the other day, the official (though completely unsurprising) announcement of the Oklahoma City franchise name -- which, regrettably, is not Thundercats -- was also the official end of the Seattle SuperSonics...not to mention unequivocal proof that true evil exists.

Seriously, people: The bad guys won this one. It's like Joker shot Batman in the face at the end of The Dark Knight. It's like Darth Vader cut Luke Skywalker in half at the end of Return of the Jedi. It's like General Bethlehem defeated the Postman at the end of The Postman. Uh, forget I mentioned that last one...

Well, enough is enough. The purpose of my life, my raison d'etre if you will, is to make this world a better place. I'd like to think that, had I been on the Titanic, people would have drowned more peacefully. So as of right now, I'm rewriting history. In that spirit, here's a new movie for you. It's called Deadly Revenge of the SuperSonics. In it, the part of Sonics fans everywhere is played by Jean-Claude Van Damme. (Appropriate.) The part of Clay Bennett is played by an ugly woman in a penguin costume. (Even more appropriate.) I think everyone -- with the possible exception of Clay Bennett and Furries -- will be happy with the ending to this story.